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01/12/2004 Archived Entry: "Real Life (No Rock) Top Five."

Real Life (No Rock) Top Five.
From Jenny. (aka, The Jolly Blogger). Thanks to j for temporarily housing my blog.

1. Kelis. “Milkshake.” Is it embarrassing to like this song? Yes. Yes it is. But let me just explain it this way: I’ve been watching MTV2, MTV Jams, and MTV Hits. These are the MTV channels that play music, as opposed to MTV. The original MTV only plays footage of spring break parties and Eminem tributes. So, while watching one of the real “M”TVs, I saw the video for “Milkshake.” I couldn’t get the refrain out of my head. “My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.” This song couldn’t have more any more hooks if it was a fishing pole. Maybe five years ago, this would be enough for me to scorn “Milkshake” as an inferior piece of music. Hooks are distractions. Hooks are for the talentless, the uncreative, the jerks. But I am beginning to appreciate the hook. I’m fighting it less—hardly at all, in fact. There’s something nice about Kelis’s willingness to put out this single almost entirely comprised of one big hook. Put yourself in autopilot and just sing along. The refrain floats from its own weightlessness.

2. My blog is still down. I emailed Ryan the IT guy to find out what’s going on. When will the server be back up? I began my email with an apology and an acknowledgement that this question is pretty annoying. “I’m sorry to ask you this annoying question, Ryan. . .” But then I blurted it out anyway. Asking when the server will be back up is the technical equivalent to asking your parents if “we’re there yet.”

3. My dentist’s name is Dr. Root. It’s funny. He gets a lot of attention because of the name. Lots. I’ve gone back to Dr. Root three times now. He’s an okay dentist, don’t get me wrong. And the woman who actually cleans my teeth is very good. But I always expect Dr. Root to be funnier, jollier. Like the same clowning cosmos that produced a dentist named Jim Root would just naturally make him a hilarious guy. Has everyone walked in with this expectation? Could it be that he’s reached a breaking point? I once heard that dentists have a high rate of suicide. It’s from the mixture of dealing with people’s fears, hatred, and pain all day (all while expecting you, the dentist, to be very cheery). That expectation of “constant joy” probably takes a toll. To be perfectly honest with you, I think Dr. Root could snap any day now.

4. It would only take a few minutes to touch up the spots I missed when painting my living room. Have I done it? No. Instead I walk by that same spot every day, feeling aggravated. How much longer will this go on? And how low is too low to hang a picture? Why can’t we hang pictures at knee level? That would cover the spot very nicely.

5. Paying all in coins is a gas. Wicked fun. You have to announce it, though. “I’m paying in all dimes.” Why do I feel compelled to announce this? Does the cashier have to make some kind of special preparation? I know it’s not just me. I’ve seen other people make the “paying in coins” announcement.

“That’s one seventy-five, please.”

“Okay. I’m paying in all nickels.”

Maybe it’s just a little courtesy, but I like to think that we need special prepping for coins. Greasy, heavy coins. I can’t wait for my next coffee purchase.

“Your total is one twenty, ma’am.”

“Get ready for nickels, buddy! Here they come!”